The impact of mentoring
I never thought about having a mentor.
No one ever advised me to get one.
I never thought I needed one.
Until I had one.
That was 7 years ago.
At the age of 40, I changed career paths. From a Designer to a Scrum Master… freelance design didn’t pay the bills and I was looking for a change.
I never studied Computer Science so I was completely oblivious to the world of Software Engineering.
The complex language. The ever present acronyms. The systems within systems. And all those Processes! Processes upon processes, upon processes! Everything was new to me.
It required of me a new way of thinking AND a new way of speaking.
You know that feeling where, you don’t know what you don’t know?
Well, that was me in the first 3 years of moving into Software Engineering. A lot of the time I had to think about what questions I needed to ask.
Moving through this new world alone would have been
1) extremely slow and
2) extremely painful
The person who became my mentor knew this. He offered to help navigate me through this daunting world.
You see, he was the perfect candidate — he had the experience of being a Scrum Master as well as higher level roles within Engineering. Most importantly, I respected and trusted him.
Two things that impacted me.
Respect, because he knew what he was talking about and trust, to put into action the advice he gave.
The impact of mentoring, is far greater, in hindsight, than it was in the moment.
I was mentored for 5 years through 3 different organizations including one where my mentor became my manager. We worked together for just over a year.
In that role, my skills accelerated because I was receiving mentoring on a daily basis. It was a rare experience to have a manager and mentor in one. Most managers don’t mentor.
I had the privilege to observe him in meetings with other teams — to see how he interacted with the team and how they responded to him. A unique opportunity to observe him in action vs simply talking about scenarios.
He involved me.
When he coached me, he intentionally withheld answers to gain insight into my thinking. Guiding me to the answers by asking questions.
When he was teaching me, he’d give me the answer if he was teaching a new concept.
I remember one time when I asked him a question and instead of giving me the answer, he asked “how do you think it should work” or “what problem are you trying to solve” or “what outcome are you trying to achieve?”
I admit sometimes I just wanted the answer :)
That must have taken discipline and patience on his end! A rare skill in a world that demands instant gratification at a fast pace. I admire him for that. To be able to stop and pause.
Ask more than tell.
That’s what he always said to me. I never understood this. In fact, at the time, I was frustrated with that statement…
Ask more than tell!?
I needed to make statements to people as a Scrum Master. Not ask more questions — it slows things down…
😊
Now I see the method in the madness.
You see…
Questions force us to pause. To STOP. To think.
This can become frustrating when we under pressure, moving fast to get things done.
My mentor gave me tools to use to stop questioning my value as a Scrum Master. They were challenging tools… High level stuff — he always said.
It pushed the way that I thought about the work and about the team.
Coaching tools, which I could lean on for a lifetime! It took lots of mentoring to wrap my head around how to create these tools. It took deep thinking and deep work.
He taught me simple tools too. For example, I told him one day that someone was giving me a hard time. Being really difficult.
He asked me to write down everything this person was doing that was making things difficult.
So I went away. Got my pen and paper and was ready to write everything this person was doing.
Then …nothing. I had a lot in my head but as soon as I had to write it down, it seemed silly, miniscule and insignificant.
When we write things down on paper there is intention. Bringing attention to our own thoughts and behaviour. Things look different when its on paper vs in our head.
He taught me how to think about data. To use it to verify the work I was doing and help teams make better decisions. This was hard because I always felt incapable of anything relating to Math's!
When he taught me how to go about it, I copied at first before the understanding sunk in. I copied the excelsheets and data for a long time. Until one day when I could pay it forward to someone else, the understanding sunk in when I had to explain it in my own words.
The more I used it, the more I understood it and could adapt it as my own.
A lot of these things are not taught in certification courses.
Without my mentor, I would never have learnt tools I know today. Working with him as my manager gave me the confidence and skills to push my own boundaries and to …Ask more than tell.
The importance of a mentor is to show you what you’re truly capable of. To expose whats already inside but has never been discovered.
As a mentee, you have to put in the work.
If a mentor gives you reading material. Read it.
If they ask you to research things, do it.
If you not doing your part, you wasting the mentor’s time. And your own.
When one teaches, two learn. — Robert Heinlein
He learnt from me too. Sometimes he would say “I never thought of it like that or you’ve given me an idea or a new perspective”.
It was fun too! He’s a Star Wars fan and I a Star Trek fan. There was always some kind of joke :) laughter…
Learning and laughter are inseparable. If you’re not laughing, you’re not really learning. — Joe Vitale
I can confidently say my mentor involved me and we both learned!
For me, a mentor is…
Someone to help you notice your blind spots.
Someone you trust.
Someone you respect and who respects you.
Who unlocks your strengths because sometimes we are blind to it.
One who helps build confidence.
One who…
Asks more than tell.
Currently I have a new mentor in Toastmasters. I look forward to sharing my new mentoring experience someday.
This quote by Benjamin Franklin sums up my mentoring experience perfectly…
